So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
