Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
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I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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