I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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