Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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