i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I AM VODKA MAN
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
