omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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