I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
