Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
