i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
