You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
