i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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