Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
