dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
