He uses pillows to masturbate.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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