We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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