I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
