So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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