like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
