You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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