Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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