Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
