i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
