Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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