dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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