So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
