ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
