Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I could fuck to npr.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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