I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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