Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
