Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
