So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
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