The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
