Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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