ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
