Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
