You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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