I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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