Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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