I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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