woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My penis needs a shock collar
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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