How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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