meet me or not, i'm out of control
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize