I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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