This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I pour the whiskey from now on
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
