Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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