so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
