This girl is more easily done than said...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
