Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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