somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
