i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
