New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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