Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
