I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
