We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
