My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
