Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
