thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
