You smell like stripper and shame
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
