If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
