Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
