dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
