i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize