glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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