don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
