Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
