i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I am morally bankrupt
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
