He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
