So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
