Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
