Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
