I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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