Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
