Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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