I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Blow job season was short but glorious.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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