i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
