How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
