So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
