I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
That's when you crack a 10am beer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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