We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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